Saturday, June 26, 2010

Biggest Dating Regrets: How to Avoid Them!

We've all made dating mistakes -- after all, we're only human. Some we made on the first date, others a month or two later. Here are some common dating regrets -- and what to do about them.

First-Date Regrets

I wish I'd talked less and listened more. When one person dominates the conversation, it means one of two things. He or she is nervous, doesn't like awkward silences and likely lacks confidence. Or, perhaps he or she is oblivious and just doesn't "get it." Regardless, talking too much is a turn-off.

I wish I'd been more open and lightened up instead of being a stiff. The guy was so gorgeous, all you could think of was what would happen if you screwed up and said the wrong thing. You did anyhow. He didn't ask you out again, and he never got to know the real you.

I wish I hadn't gotten sloppy from alcohol. One drink would have been enough. Instead, you got so wound up you threw down one or two more and ended up slurring your words.

I wish I'd been more honest about what I expect out of a relationship. You would've said what you think and not what you thought your date wanted to hear.

I wish I'd cooled my passions. Next time, you'll keep your hands to yourself and not be so touchy-feely. Neither men nor women want to be manhandled on the first date.

I wish I'd dressed more appropriately. One guy told a woman, when she rejected a kiss, "Your sexy clothes don't match your cold-fish demeanor." But some women would look sexy even wearing the dead sea scrolls.

I wish I'd used better etiquette. That piece of calamari that shot from your mouth and stuck on your date's glass of merlot was bad enough; you shouldn't have reached over with your pinky finger, gathered it up, and returned it to your mouth.

Early-Relationship Regrets

I wish I'd avoided making a foolish and impulsive decision. If you've been together for only one week (or even a couple months), moving to another state to live with him or her isn't wise. Make sure you get to know a person -- for many months -- before uprooting your life.

I wish I hadn't tried so hard. Showing the other person you care too much can knock the relationship out of balance. When you're more serious than your mate, take a deep breath and turn down your thermostat.

I wish I'd heeded the red-flag signals. Your friends screamed, "He's a jerk," but you ignored them. When he started acting strange, you should have noticed, but you thought, "Love conquers all." It doesn't.

What Went Wrong?

Here are some reasons why you may be experiencing the above regrets:

Push and shoving. She kept telling you she wanted a relationship, but you thought the grass was greener and kept putting her off. She committed to another, and now you're sorry and alone.

Overbearing behavior. You felt insecure and became jealous. You were too possessive.

An ugly face emerged. When you faced a crisis together, or took an extended trip, your mate's real side emerged and you didn't like what you saw.

Maybe nothing went wrong. Perhaps you just weren't compatible. If it didn't work then, it likely wouldn't work now. It can take months for people's true personalities to emerge.

What Should You Do About the Regrets?

You tried and made mistakes. Learn from them and forget them. The past is gone, you can't change it, so don't dwell on it. Remember the words of Frank Sinatra in the song "My Way": "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention." Look forward.

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