Saturday, June 26, 2010

Handling Your Ex: 3 Game Plans

The phone rings and your heart starts racing as you recognize the person on the other line. It's your ex. Not just any ex, but The One. The one you regret breaking up with, the love of your life. What do you do?

Let's assume you are single and haven't spoken to your ex in ages. There are as many ways to react as there are reasons why your ex would call. Covering all possibilities would require a novel, but here are three common scenarios:

1. You're the one who got dumped

In Situation A, you receive a phone call from the person who broke your heart. So why the call? Let's assume the ex is a woman. She's likely to have a soft heart for anybody she was ever involved with. Trying to reach you with a phone call is an apparent sign of that.

Most of the time, a woman views breaking up as a gut-wrenching decision. She's not likely to dump a guy unless he is a terrible boyfriend (sorry, if I'm being harsh). There is little a man can say or do once a woman has her mind set on ending the relationship. In order to ease the pain, she will convince herself that her decision is 100 percent right.

There are times, of course, when women regret these decisions. Then we pick up the phone and call. So, if you got dumped and your ex is calling you, it generally means she doubts her decision or regrets what she did.

What's your move?

If you have any pride (especially if you got dumped for somebody else), you politely say you are busy and hang up the phone. If she calls again, you do the same. This tells the ex that not only have you gotten over the breakup, but you're happier than you've ever been. Hanging up the phone repeatedly is your own little form of revenge.

But what if you would like a second go-around? Then play the game as cold as ice until your ex comes running back... begging.

2. You did the dumping

In Situation B, you receive a phone call or run into an ex whom you dumped. Let's say it's a woman. Either she is still in love with you and wants to be with you, or she wants to rub what you let go in your face. A girl has pride, too, and calling the dumper necessitates putting a lot of pain aside. Most of the time, she is calling with the hopes that you realize the mistake you made in dumping her -- or she just found an amazing boyfriend and wants you to know what a terrible lover you were.

What's your move?

Assume the caller has warm intentions. If you love her mutually and regret dumping her, then open up, swallow your pride and tell her. If you both truly love each other, then this is by far the best reaction. The world has enough loveless relationships.

If you don't feel anything for the girl, at least respect the fact that she called and that it took courage. Be nice, tell her you miss her (even if you don't). Don't burn bridges or give false hope; it may come back to haunt you.

3. The dumping was mutual

In Situation C, you receive a phone call or run into an ex after both of you have agreed to call it a day. Chances are, you parted on good terms. So the burning question once again is why did the ex call? It was probably just a friendly call from someone who cares about you. Don't misinterpret it as more than that.

What's your move?

Treat your ex like any person you once cared about but no longer see. Remember that you once shared a relationship, so respect the old beau as a friend. Be polite, say what's new in your life and listen to the other side.

Whatever you ultimately decide to say when you see that number on call display, remember to keep your cool and act normal. You want your ex to hang up saying, Wow, what a terrific person and not What a jerk!

No comments:

Post a Comment