Saturday, June 26, 2010

Love and War... The Sexes and Difficulties Getting Along

Lovers' Quarrels from the Past

Forget thunderbolts and the guy pushing that big rock up a hill for like, his whole life. Did you ever notice that gods in Greek mythology had an awful lot of relationship problems? The Trojan War, after all, was all about one woman, Helen of Troy.

You might think, "Okay, but that was hundreds of years ago. And besides, those were myths." But take a look at some of these relationship troubles from Ancient Greece and judge for yourself. We’re all still fighting about the same stuff!

Who does he think he is...god?

Actually, according to Greek mythology Zeus was the god of all gods and Hera was his wife. Hera was really insecure around Zeus–and she had good reason to be. It seemed like every time she turned her back, and sometimes when she didn't, Zeus was cheating on her with some goddess or another...and sometimes even with a mere mortal (a human)!

Hera: How can he say he loves me and then cheat on me all the time? Sometimes he even disguises himself in the form of another a swan...just to weasel his way in. He should try a RAT disguise.

Zeus: Yo! I'm the god of all gods. I can do whatever I want!

Love & War Advisor: Zeus, shame on you. Really, it doesn't matter who you are, cheating is always wrong if you and your partner have made a decision to be faithful to each other.
And Hera, this has happened many times before. You have to realize that the situation may not change, so you've got to decide if you want to put up with this sort of behavior. And believe it or not, there are other gods out there. They may not be "the god of all gods," but they might be more godly in their treatment of you. And that's important in a relationship.

Tools for Love & War

Forgiveness. If your partner breaks your trust, you have to decide if you can forgive. If not, it's best to move on.

Respect yourself. If you tell him how you feel and nothing changes, realize that there’s probably nothing you can do to change him.

It's always something with him ...

Penelope and Odysseus (who were mortals, not gods) had been hanging a while. Then Odysseus had to fight in the Trojan War while Penelope stayed home. She understood that he had to do his thing.

Part of being in a relationship is understanding when your partner has other priorities and knowing that his taking time away from you isn’t a personal rejection. But things really got out of hand with Odysseus. The war was over and he spent years getting home. He was obviously in no rush to see her and made no plans to hang out.

Penelope: What’s the deal with Odysseus? He’s finished with the stupid war and now he should be making the effort to spend time with me.

Odysseus: I'm going to see her again someday, really. But right now I'm having a good time!
Love & War Advisor: Odysseus, you have to get your body and your big head home. If you love someone, you have to be there for her. You can't go off for years having fun.

And Penelope, if you’re in a relationship, it means you're there to support each other and share your lives. But you've chosen someone who's unavailable...big time. If you believe you deserve better, go for it!

Tools for Love & War

Acceptance. Sometimes people can change, but ONLY if they're willing. If they're not, you have to forget about changing them, and accept them for who they are.

Introspection (looking at yourself honestly). If you choose someone who's unavailable physically (like Odysseus) or emotionally, you have to decide if that's okay for you. Muster up some self-esteem and move on to someone who's an equal partner.

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