Saturday, August 14, 2010

Habits you can reform — and ones you can’t

If he plays music too loud, let them. But you could rehabilitate other unsavory behavior.

Most of the men treat women as ways to deal with football teams - we know very little and we are not eager to learn. But if your guy COUTH least, this does not mean you're stuck with a monkey. Men may change - but not too much at once. If your man social skills need a minor touch-up, here's how to manage it. But if his offensive behavior puts you always in a tight situation, the trade before he takes you with him.

Forgive and forget

These types of errors are more about personal taste than bad manners to try to ignore them instead of harassing to get your way:

You do not like the way he dresses.
It plays music too loud in the car.
He eats too fast / noise / unhealthy.
He does not deny the TV when you receive a phone call.
You disagree on how much to tip.

There are several ways to change its behavior, as he offered a trade of something he wants in exchange for custody of his ways. "My friend refused to tip over 15 percent," said Mary Stevens of Oak Bluffs, MA. "So we made a pact. If I think the point should be bigger, it puts extra money and I have to give him a back massage. "But trading is not necessary. Sure, you may struggle to change the characteristics that make your man an individual, but you may want to have more later.

So, unless its tweaks cause major conflicts (as if they affect your values, relationships with others, or well-being), let them go. "When you have to do favors to make a point, you're just making the best of being corrupt," says Harriette Cole advice columnist, co-host of "Pulse" on XM Satellite Radio's Take Five channel and author of choice of the truth: Living an authentic life. "We can live with a peak of 15 percent."

Fix it by diluting

By definition, some behaviors are rude, so if your guy a criminal, you can help it become the case. Some specific examples of when you can jump into effect:

He curses too.
His table manners are suspect.
He makes jokes about your relationship with your friends.
He makes no effort not to control his body sounds in public.

These types of behaviors occur because he does not know better. In such situations, it is not what you say but how you say it. Be honest. If your man is a guardian, he would not object to a little refining. "Give him a course of gentle in manners, so he can take with you wherever you go," Cole said. Some specifics: Do not embarrass him in front of people screaming. Wait a moment when you are alone together or can at least take him quite a place where others can not see or hear. This is not what you say but how you say it.

Be honest, but use a soft tone and not condescending. A line that never fails to say, "Darling, please listen to me one second. I want to help you see something you can not see. I think you do not realize how point he came through tonight, when you were (your boss cursing / joking about our love life / belching a lot). I think it gave people the wrong impression about you ... "Now you told him what was wrong, it can limit the damage - or both of you can understand how to solve it together. If you think he should apologize to someone, do not be afraid to tell him. "If he loves you, he would have noticed that you do not speak or behave in a certain way, and if you're supposed to be, it'll take a chance to redeem themselves," Cole promised.


Forget trying to make a silk purse out of this sow ear. Some behaviors are indicative of deeper problems that will not be solved by a simple conversation:

It is rude to people he does not know.
He is always right.
He is immature for his age.
It belittles you in front of people.
He is jealous of your friendship.

This ass is the reason Bumsville fathers are overprotective. It may seem romantic to date a bad boy who needs Fixin, but this character is broken beyond repair. "I dated a guy who did not like my friends, especially the guys," said Sarah Phillips, 27 San Francisco, CA. "He could not give me a concrete reason why he did not like them, so I dumped rather than abandon my friends."

It is tempting to stick with a bad boy, but you fool, it will not change. And the possessive or disrespectful behavior are often the first signs that a guy will become emotionally and even physically violent. Bottom line: You're too good for him. "It does not matter how cute - and generous - it is, if he has no idea about how to talk to you with respect, he does not deserve a second chance," said Cole. "It is like he is. Jump ship before you are locked"

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