How being imperfect can save your life

Perfectionism ups your risk for binge eating, depression, and other problems.

Constantly striving to live a faultless life increases your risk of a very imperfect outcome—early death. Experts specializing in perfectionism recently convened at an Association for Psychological Science Convention in Boston to present research looking at perfectionism and its effects on health, ranging from loss of self-esteem and resilience to increased stress and risk of death. It can even interfere with effectively dealing in a crisis situation. "Even though these impossibly high standards are self-imposed, the true perfectionists find it hard to relinquish the high self-expectations of performance, or to settle for more realistic standards, even during times of severe emergencies requiring them to act fast," explains Prem Fry, PhD, professor of psychology at Trinity Western University in British Columbia.

The Details: At the convention, researchers specializing in perfectionist behavior shared their research, including Fry, whose recent study of older adults found a 51 percent reduced life-expectancy rate in perfectionists when compared to non-perfectionists. Other health ailments have also been linked to perfectionism. Other researchers have linked perfectionism to binge eating, hoarding, anxiety, substance abuse, and an increased risk of oxidative and nitrosative stress, which cause cell damage and inflammation, leading to a whole host of serious health problems. The good news is that not all perfectionists' traits mean bad news. Some of Fry's other work, published earlier this year, has found that perfectionists living with type 2 diabetes tend to more effectively control and monitor their condition. "Compared to non-perfectionists, they followed the treatment regimen more thoroughly and, as a result, lived healthier and longer lives."

Make More Time for Yourself

Organize your schedule―and claim carefree minutes for yourself―in three steps.

1. Step Back (For a Second)

Figure out why you want more free time. “You can’t win a game you haven’t defined,” says David Allen, a productivity expert and the author of the best seller Getting Things Done. You’ll be more motivated to change if you have a specific goal.

Make a wish list. Write down all the activities that you long to do more of―whether they’re things that make you happy, relaxed, sane(r), or all three. Rank the items in order of importance to you, then pick one or two to focus on. (Once you get the hang of this system, you can address the rest.)

Now write down how you really spend your time. If it’s all one makelunchcarpoolrunaroundlikecrazy blur, keep a detailed diary for a few days. (Want some encouragement―and comfort that someone’s life is as crazy as yours? You might be surprised by how little time you spend doing things you love most. The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things?

2: Give Up What You Can

Consider this: Devoting more time to what you love can help you get more done overall. Says Neil Fiore, Ph.D., a psychologist in Berkeley, California, “Research shows that to be productive and creative, you must make time for recreation and relaxation. Trying to skimp on them hurts your motivation and often leads you to procrastinate.” Plus, being a little selfish will keep you from becoming burned out or cranky. To find ways to free up time, take a look at your list of current activities and ask yourself four questions:

What can I delegate? OK, so maybe your 11-year-old can’t load the dishwasher as well as you can. Hand over that task and you’ve got 10 minutes to spend on something more fulfilling. The fact that you’re teaching your child responsibility―with, yes, an occasional eye roll―is a bonus. If you’ve reflexively been handling most of the household duties, turn some of them over to your spouse. Try similar strategies at work: Give junior staffers assignments that stretch their capabilities rather than doing the job yourself.

What can I outsource? Housecleaning is an obvious answer, but also think about things like tutoring for your kids. Before you decide you can’t afford this, scrutinize your spending. Chances are, there’s a way to reallocate your resources. If you need more convincing, calculate what your time is worth, says Timothy Ferriss, a time-management expert. To get your “hourly rate,” cut the last three zeros off your annual salary, then halve that number. So if you make $60,000 a year, your hourly rate is $30. “If it takes you three hours to clean the house each week, that’s $90 worth of your time,” he says.

What can I do less well (at least sometimes)? When something you’re working on is good enough, stop. It’s a waste of time to do everything perfectly, such as polishing the underside of the banister. Instead, focus on doing the important things adequately.

What distractions can I limit, if not eliminate?

Shut the door. Seriously. If you have work to do, make it clear that you need to be left alone.
At work, check your e-mail only twice a day―at noon and at 4 p.m. “I’ve found those are the times when you’re most likely to have responses to your previously sent e-mails,” says Ferriss. And use the auto-respond feature: When you’re swamped, direct e-mailers to an assistant or, with his or her permission, a colleague.

At home, give your BlackBerry a rest.

As for TV, watch a show you love, then turn off the set. The average American spends 2.4 hours a day in front of the tube, but that investment yields sparse rewards. Studies show that watching TV doesn’t make people nearly as happy as activities that really engage them, like playing tennis, taking a walk, and eating with family.

Five reasons guys don't call again

If you think winning a man's heart largely boils down to your looks, you're wrong.

When it comes to off-putting dating behavior, men commit plenty of dumb moves. He wears sneakers at a nice restaurant. He goes on and on about his boring job. He asks you pretty much nothing about yourself… and still tries for a good-night kiss at the end of the date (as if). If you find yourself on a date like this, I don’t blame you for passing on another encounter. But what about those cases where the guy does win you over… and yet never calls again? Have you ever stopped to wonder what went wrong? While you might think winning a man’s heart largely boils down to your looks, you’re wrong. Below are five key things that well-intentioned women do that make men bail. Keep them in mind as you search for your Mr. Right.

Reason 1: You talk, but don’t listen

Women are sharers. It’s culturally ingrained. You may talk to your best friend or mom five times a day and think nothing of it. Every detail is relevant, and nothing can be left out in the telling of a story. Problem is, men don’t generally communicate that way. So try to consider the ebb and flow of a normal conversation. If he hasn’t spoken in awhile, ask him a question (and not a vague “So tell me about you,” which will make feel self-conscious and put on the spot). If he’s telling a story, try doing a follow-up query instead of refocusing the spotlight on yourself (“You like to travel? Let me tell you about how I backpacked through the Amazon!”). And if it’s occurred to you that you haven’t yet learned a thing about your date, try listening for a bit. It’s not that we’re not interested in getting to know you, it’s that we’d be thrilled if you were interested in getting to know us, too. Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!

Reason 2: You use conversation as therapy

Talking about your evil ex-boyfriend. Talking about your hatred of your job. Talking about your strained relationship with your mother. It’s not that the bad stuff is irrelevant, it’s that it’s inappropriate. Being negative might be an effective way of winning an election, but it’s not exactly endearing on a date. Even if you feel compelled to touch on such subjects, consider your tone when doing so. And consider how you’d feel if a man were to share his inner turmoil with you too soon.

I Love You in Different Languages

Learning a language can be a long daunting task. It takes normally a baby over 2 years before they start to really grasp a langauge. So learning a new one can be quite a challenge.

This is one language though that is universal. The language of love and dating. Here is a list of ways to say I love you in many languages.

Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Afrikaans - Ek het jou liefe
Apache - Shi ingolth-a
Albanian - Te dua
Alentejano (Portugal) - Gosto De Ti, Porra!
Alsacien - Ich hoan dich gear
Amharic - Afekrishalehou
Arabic - Ana Behibak (to a male)
Arabic - Ana Behibek (to a female)
Arabic (Formal Arabic) - Ooheboki (to a female)
Arabic (Formal Arabic) - Ooheboka (to a male)
Arabic - Ib'n hebbak
Arabic - Ana Ba-heb-bak
Arabic - nhebuk
Armenian - Yes kez si'rumem
Armenian - Sirem zk 'ez
Assamese - Moi tomak bhal pau
Aztec - Nimitzlaco'tla
Bari ( A Sudanese Language) - Nan nyanyar do (I love you)
Bari ( A Sudanese Language) - Nan nyanyar do parik (I love you very much)
Batak - Holong rohangku di ho
Bavarian - I mog di narrisch gern
Bengali - Ami tomAy bhAlobAshi
Bengali - Ami tomake bhalo basi
Bicol - Namumutan ta ka
Bolivian Quechua - Qanta munani
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Burmese - Chit pa de

The Science and Silliness of Kissing

Imagine if alien visitors asked you to explain the act of kissing. What would you say?

Think about it. If a spaceship full of aliens landed on earth to observe human behavior, how on earth would we explain the act of kissing? One person touches another person with their lips. Not, of course, lips to lips alone. Lips to cheek, lips to neck, lips to – well, just about any other body part can be considered. Imagine the polite but nevertheless obvious squirming with embarrassment that could be involved on either or both sides of the species divide.

An immediate question might be what is the act for? The reply could constitute the making of a list that even the most avid list-seeker on the internet might find overlong. Tongue nevertheless in cheek, most people would associate kissing with love and sexual desire and the aliens would probably accept this as part of our self-evidently bizarre mating habits. When this basic question is elaborated on, however, to include greeting, respect, sympathy, luck giving, affection and, most puzzlingly, false empathy then who would blame our visitors from outer space for turning tail and leaving this planet in a huff?

The origins of the word are old enough – the Old English language gifted the world the word kiss from their own – ‘cyssan’. Origins of the word aside, the reason for this most simple yet complex act to exist is still perplexing philematologists (those who study kissing). They cannot decide whether or not kissing is a learned behavior or if it is instinctive.

7 Tips on the Perfect Kiss

Kissing is often an overlooked art when it comes to seducing your partner. Obviously there are many types of kisses and they can be used in different settings. Here are some kisses that are used with partners.

Greeting kisses with your partner

• The hello kiss: A quick kiss on the lips which says 'hey babe, how was your day'.
• The hello kiss +: A bit longer than the hello kiss, this kiss says 'hey babe, I was thinking about you today' (eyebrows raised).
• Not even in the door kiss: A passionate kiss which says, well! It kind of speaks for itself.

Lounging about the house kisses:

• Just a quick kiss: A quick kiss just to remind them you love them
• Kids are out playing kiss: A longer kiss followed by the words 'the kids are out playing.................'
• You're getting it tonight kiss: passionate, playful, long and hard saying 'I'm horny!!!'
•Just before sleep kiss: A quick peck on the cheek or lips to say 'goodnight babe'.

Making love kisses:

• Thank god, the painters have left kiss: Menstrual cycle is over and it's time to get back on track
• I really want you kiss: long, passionate, all over the face type of kiss saying 'I'm hungry'
• The spiritual kiss: slow, long, softer, passionate which says 'I love you on a deeper level'

There are a million more types of kisses I've only named 10 of our most popular, sorry! 10 of the most popular ones I have read about and seen on TV. But, what makes a good kiss? How can you improve your kissing? Here are 7 tips to make that perfect kiss:

1.Men: Have a good shave, by this I mean a close shave. Women prefer passionate kissing when the man has had a close shave rather than the man with stubble.
2.An obvious one this but do not eat strong tasting foods like curry or garlic, unless your partner is eating it too.
3.Do not kiss your partner if you have a mouth infection of any kind, viruses can be carried through the saliva when kissing.
4.Make use of your partners body and kiss them all over, kissing is not just meant for the mouth.
5.Vary your kisses from soft, long kisses to hard and passionate kisses
6.Kiss with your eyes open and maintain eye contact, most people close their eyes when kissing, so keeping your eyes open can be different and fun.
7.Do it in private. Most people hate seeing other people kissing in public. I don't mean the quick pecks I mean the passionate ‘I really want you kiss'. Have you ever seen this in the high street, it's gross. Leave the passionate kisses in the privacy of your home or where nobody can see you.

What is Romance and How Can You be More Romantic?

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, or whether you’re single, learning how to romance and love can be one of the greatest skills to learn (and believe me being romantic takes a lot of skill, for both men and women!). But what exactly is romance? I mean if you don’t know what romance is, then how can you ever be romantic?

Being romantic is more than just a bunch of red roses and a box of chocolates, it is showing your partner that you love, respect and admire them for who they are and it is form of showing them how much they mean to you. Romance comes in all shapes and forms, big and small, from that small gesture of giving them your last rolo, to that romantic getaway. The most common misconception about being romantic is that you have to spend a lot of money. Money should be no factor in being romantic, as true romance doesn’t mean you spent loads of money on them, but that you put long hard thought into how you could really ‘woo’ them.

Red Roses and chocolates is a very popular and good way of being romantic, as all women love them, but instead of just giving them to her, why don’t you go that bit further to really impress her. Set a scenario for giving these gifts. Good scenario’s would be the place you first kissed, where you went on your first date, or even where you first met. None of these places cost, but they show her how dear this place is to you, as it was a milestone in your relationship.

Ring her. No matter how busy you are or where you are, ring her to let her know that you miss her and are thinking of her. Ask how she is, what she’s up too, is she having a good day. Take real interest and show her that you care. This means so much.

Set the scenario in the bedroom. When she’s out, set up the bedroom to create a romantic atmosphere. This can include tidying the bedroom, changing the linen, set some soft music, light scented candles, dim the light, get massage oils and get a chilled bottle of wine. Create a relaxed setting where you can really cut off from the outside world, and be together. Give each other massages and talk. Show them physically how much they mean to you.

Overall there are no rules for how to be romantic; it changes from person to person. Just be personal and think of what would they want the most. It’s all about showing your partner how much they mean to you and it’s your form of telling them. And remember, actions say more than a thousand words ever could!

The Secret Power of Romance

There are some men who will never understand the importance of romance. They may be lazy or don't feel like investing any of their time for something silly like romance. They're the foolish ones who are wasting time and energy trying to get what they want the hard way.

Then there are the men who know the secrets of romance. For example, on the reality shows such as the Bachelor and Who Wants to Marry (whatever), it's pretty obvious the men who are the most romantic stick around the longest and are chosen in the end.

Why? Not because they are rich, good looking, have great jobs, or any of the obvious reasons. They know romance is very powerful. And what do these romantic guys do? Simple things like, light candles, pick flowers, look at the stars, have a picnic or romantic dinner; nothing you can't do with ease.

Whether you want to believe it or not, it is the small things that matter most to a woman when it comes to romance.

Romance is the creation of an atmosphere where she feels unconditional love and appreciation. You can turn down the lights, turn on the radio, take her by the hand and ask her to dance in the kitchen. That's romance.

Hand her a wild flower, ask her to go on a stroll with you and hold hands. That's romance. Get it! What is she feeling? At that moment she is the most important woman in the world, she feels appreciated and loved. Romance can even produce the butterflies in her stomach.

The passion and excitement she will be feeling for you not only manifest itself in sex but will also spill over into other aspects of the relationship. Sometimes it takes a few romantic encounters to get the best results, she may not be used to it, she may have been hurt by you and think you're only doing it for sex. Hang in there, the payoff is within reach. Above all, you will have a fulfilling relationship and you will have fun discovering each other.

A Kiss is Never Just a Kiss

"Kiss: a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear." Edmond Rostand

"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story." Emil Ludwig

"A Kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." Ingrid Bergman

"Kiss: a thing of use to no one, but prized by two." Robert Zwickey

"On the list of great inventions, kissing ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; even higher than room service, probably because the main reason room service was created was so that people could stay in bed and kiss without starving." Tom Robbins

"Few men know how to kiss well; fortunately, I've always had time to teach them." Mae West

It is really doesn't know what the origin of kissing is. Perhaps it has been around as long as humans themselves, but few would argue that kissing is a very important part of how we connect with those we love, especially that special someone.

What makes a kiss really good and what does not? We have all had kisses that lingered long after the lips have departed. Those are the ones we long to have again. Here are a few simple rules to remember if you want your kisses to be memorable.

First and foremost, be present! The person who is fully present in the moment and engaged in his/her partner is very sexy and quite irresistible. Like a musical instrument, you may have the skill, but the true artist plays with soul. Kissing is no different. When you are fully focused on your partner and what is happening between you, your kiss will convey much more than the physical sensation of your lips touching.

Another important part of kissing is the amount of tension in your lips. Too much tension and you can't merge, too little and it's like a limp handshake. Full lips or thin does not matter. It is technique that is most important. Move your lips around a bit, don't stay static, movement is much more interesting. But be careful here. Too much tongue or too much of an open mouth in the beginning can be a turn off. Also, pay close attention to what your partner is doing and mirror it. Reflecting back his/her actions is one of the best ways to send the message of connection.

If you are kissing someone you really like or kissing a lover, don't be afraid to show how much you are enjoying it by nuzzling the neck or with groans, moans or sighs. These expressions of delight tell your partner what you like and that you are truly enjoying this kissing experience.

Avoid quick pecks on the lips or what I like to call "stamp" kisses. Pecks on the cheek for fun are fine, but if you are going to kiss on the lips, linger a while and give the kiss time to develop. Which reminds me, slooow doowwwn. What's the hurry? Take your time. Whether this is a first kiss or one with a long time partner, kissing is one of the most important and sensual ways we begin to make connection with a lover. Take it slow and enjoy the ride!

10 cute love quotes that make smile

Is your heart bursting forth with love? Want to shout out to the whole world about how sweet your love is? Cute love quotes will help you to express loving thoughts about love, and as well as make you laugh with hilarity.

Whether you've just fallen head over heels in love, at the beginning stage of your relationship, or you just want to bask in the joy of your love, let these cute love quotes reflect your romantic and humorous side.

Let these humorous quotes about love give you something funny to smile about. Share these quotes with your family and friends so that they have something to smile about too.

There's many ways to bring joy and fun to your love relationship. Sending a bouquet of roses with a loving message when your lover is feeling down is romantic. Sending a love poem or writing one yourself is a hugely romantic gesture. Writing a wonderful love letter works also. Using a thesaurus and picking out descriptive words to describe the best sides of your sweetheart work amazingly well too.

Another method is to use cute love quotes in your Valentine's Day cards, emails and messages to bring a certain playful tone into your relationship. Make your girlfriend or boyfriend feel loved and cherished.

Add a dash of romance with these quotes and simply let the warmth of cute love quotes envelope you.

List of 10 Best Cute Love Quotes 1) "Other men have seen angels, But I have seen thee, And thou art enough." - G. Moore

2)"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." - Regina 'Age 10'

3) "I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox." - Woody Allen

4) "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." - Ingrid Bergman

5) "I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up." - Barbara Bush

6) "Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein

7) "We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack." - Marie E. Eschenbach

8) "Women are made to be loved, not understood." - Oscar Wilde

9) "At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet." - Plato

10) "Love is like an hour glass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renord