Getting Off to a Good Start

If adjustment is at the crux of the problem, as we assume, then our central task ought to be that of trying to understand how men and women can best get along with each other and with society. Wholesome mate adjustment is blocked by neurotic traits in husbands and wives, more, perhaps, than by anything else. Mental hygiene, when practiced, makes for mature and well-balanced personalities; it tends to prevent undue tension and conflict in the social situation; it is the only way around marital difficulties, the only road leading to genuine adjustment.

The start of any event is important to its outcome, and marriage is no exception. The intricacies and difficulties of modern living are many, and the person who gets off on the wrong foot or makes a poor start in any of life's episodes may find himself handicapped all the way through. Just as the first attitudes and habits acquired by the child are the ones that do most to shape his personality, so the earliest adjustments in marriage are the ones that set the stage and add color to the relationships that follow.

A large part of the start depends upon the nature of the premarital preparation that has gone before--how maturely each of the mates has developed, how well they are matched, how far their love involvement has progressed, how successful was the transition and the launching of their marriage. All of this is background and cannot be changed. Neither can the mates always alter or improve the immediate circumstances and environments that are to influence them. What they can do is to start marriage with the idea of improving upon their past and of rising above their present circumstances. It isn't enough to have made a good preparation. Successful marriage requires a "carry-over," or continuation, in terms of both attitude and effort.