Early and Late Dating

To the first group, dating is logically disadvantageous at any age. Among those who regard dating as educational, there is difference of opinion about when it should begin, and what the relative merits are of initiating it at an early or at a late age. Some think youngsters are fortunate if they become absorbed in projects and put off dating until they are relatively near the age of marriage. Others are so positive about the merits of learning through association across sex lines, that they are anxious to see adolescents begin dating associations early. Failure to date until the end of high school is therefore looked upon as an individual as well as a social handicap.

In reality, few have investigated the objective facts to determine the home conditions associated with early dating or analyzed the behavior patterns of either early or late dating. Necessarily, a first effort can do little beyond scratching the surface; still if it is found that measurable differences in family and social patterns exist between early and late daters, further inquiry may be expected to delineate more fully the nature and significance of these differences.

For a number of years, the writer has been studying dating behavior among high school and college students, an article showing that among five thousand students the initial age of dating varied with the age of those furnishing information but was practically the same for boys and girls. More recently, dating has been investigated in the high schools of three cities of approximately one hundred thousand population, located in distinctive sections of the country: Ohio, Texas, and California.

Getting Off to a Good Start

If adjustment is at the crux of the problem, as we assume, then our central task ought to be that of trying to understand how men and women can best get along with each other and with society. Wholesome mate adjustment is blocked by neurotic traits in husbands and wives, more, perhaps, than by anything else. Mental hygiene, when practiced, makes for mature and well-balanced personalities; it tends to prevent undue tension and conflict in the social situation; it is the only way around marital difficulties, the only road leading to genuine adjustment.

The start of any event is important to its outcome, and marriage is no exception. The intricacies and difficulties of modern living are many, and the person who gets off on the wrong foot or makes a poor start in any of life's episodes may find himself handicapped all the way through. Just as the first attitudes and habits acquired by the child are the ones that do most to shape his personality, so the earliest adjustments in marriage are the ones that set the stage and add color to the relationships that follow.

A large part of the start depends upon the nature of the premarital preparation that has gone before--how maturely each of the mates has developed, how well they are matched, how far their love involvement has progressed, how successful was the transition and the launching of their marriage. All of this is background and cannot be changed. Neither can the mates always alter or improve the immediate circumstances and environments that are to influence them. What they can do is to start marriage with the idea of improving upon their past and of rising above their present circumstances. It isn't enough to have made a good preparation. Successful marriage requires a "carry-over," or continuation, in terms of both attitude and effort.