Early and Late Dating

To the first group, dating is logically disadvantageous at any age. Among those who regard dating as educational, there is difference of opinion about when it should begin, and what the relative merits are of initiating it at an early or at a late age. Some think youngsters are fortunate if they become absorbed in projects and put off dating until they are relatively near the age of marriage. Others are so positive about the merits of learning through association across sex lines, that they are anxious to see adolescents begin dating associations early. Failure to date until the end of high school is therefore looked upon as an individual as well as a social handicap.

In reality, few have investigated the objective facts to determine the home conditions associated with early dating or analyzed the behavior patterns of either early or late dating. Necessarily, a first effort can do little beyond scratching the surface; still if it is found that measurable differences in family and social patterns exist between early and late daters, further inquiry may be expected to delineate more fully the nature and significance of these differences.

For a number of years, the writer has been studying dating behavior among high school and college students, an article showing that among five thousand students the initial age of dating varied with the age of those furnishing information but was practically the same for boys and girls. More recently, dating has been investigated in the high schools of three cities of approximately one hundred thousand population, located in distinctive sections of the country: Ohio, Texas, and California.

How can I know I am in love?

An important question that nearly everyone faces at one time or another before marriage is this: "How can I know I am in love?" Sometimes the question is asked when there are several of the opposite sex that a person cares for and there is difficulty in making up one's mind. At other times it is asked when the choice has been narrowed down to one person, but there are doubts and contradictory emotions concerning that one.


The first prerequisite in recognizing love is to know its true meaning and nature. We have tried to explain love as the natural involvement of personalities, one with another. Instead of being a mysterious and uncontrollable force, as some believe, it is a normal unity based upon interdependence, and it grows out of need fulfillment, habits of association, and achievements in adjustment. If this view is correct, then love does make sense; and can be understood and controlled. The title of this chapter is significant; successful loving is a matter of learning, which takes time and requires both study and effort.

The question, then, is not just, "Am I in love?", but "What kind of love?" and "How much?"
The kind of love one is able to give makes a great difference in the degree of happiness he is able to achieve in marriage. Narcissism, or self-love, won't get him very far. Homosexual love will only serve to block his adjustments to the opposite sex. Romantic love will leave him infantile and subject to serious disillusionment. And there are other kinds that can make for similar maladjustments. Duvall and Hill point out that "puppy love," when taken too seriously, may lead to a dog's life. The only kind that can make for lasting marital happiness is the type that has been called conjugal love. This is the mature heterosexual love that we have been talking about. It is founded upon cooperation, and it is dynamic enough to change or grow with adjustment throughout marriage.