Should You Marry Your First Love?

You know the scenario: The star quarterback of the football team drops back to pass the winning touchdown in the big game and, out of the corner of his eye, spots the cute cheerleader jumping up and down with pompoms lifted to the sky. Love at first sight?

After the prom and a college courtship, the quarterback proposes and of course, the cheerleader accepts. Sure, it reads like a fantasy. In essence, that is what it is -- an idealized depiction of marriage to your first love.

But guess what? It may be possible to have it all with the first person you fall for. You may not buy the dog and cat, live in the suburbs or spawn a large brood, but maybe you can make it work with the right person.

Is the grass greener?

Let me school anyone who is pondering marriage with your first sweetheart while obsessing about what else is out there. Nothing much, I regret to inform you. Look, you may meet many wonderful people who stimulate you, but is it worth dumping the love you have now?

Think about it: unless you are in an abusive or dysfunctional relationship with no room for personal growth, it is not a good proposition. Forget about your concerns of monogamy. If the sex is good now (or the foreplay if abstinent) and you both are open, willing to experiment and please each other, sex with anyone else will leave you empty.

What if you, well, regret it?

I know, I know; the curiosity is killing you. Just stop and think a minute -- with your brain. The best sex is with someone with whom you share a deep bond, where the comfort level is high and the rapport is honest. I assume you have all that with the love of your life.
So why consider shelving the marriage plans or long-term commitment because you want to be with more than one woman before you die? The bottom line is that real love is priceless. Don't let it slip away.

What you'd be missing

A final note for the Doubting Thomas in you. Think about a future with your current sweetheart and first love. Marriage, family, a home -- the whole nine yards -- or whatever it is you aspire to as a couple.
Now imagine that you cave into your desire to experience more and leave your first love. What would life be like then? Yes, after braving the difficult transition period of being alone, you may find comfort in the arms of another person.

You may have more lovers than a movie star. Fine. What then? It takes a strong person to stick with one love for an entire lifetime. If that first love is the real deal, do not succumb to the temptation of the more-is-more value system. This could be the truest love you'll ever find.

Early and Late Dating

To the first group, dating is logically disadvantageous at any age. Among those who regard dating as educational, there is difference of opinion about when it should begin, and what the relative merits are of initiating it at an early or at a late age. Some think youngsters are fortunate if they become absorbed in projects and put off dating until they are relatively near the age of marriage. Others are so positive about the merits of learning through association across sex lines, that they are anxious to see adolescents begin dating associations early. Failure to date until the end of high school is therefore looked upon as an individual as well as a social handicap.

In reality, few have investigated the objective facts to determine the home conditions associated with early dating or analyzed the behavior patterns of either early or late dating. Necessarily, a first effort can do little beyond scratching the surface; still if it is found that measurable differences in family and social patterns exist between early and late daters, further inquiry may be expected to delineate more fully the nature and significance of these differences.

For a number of years, the writer has been studying dating behavior among high school and college students, an article showing that among five thousand students the initial age of dating varied with the age of those furnishing information but was practically the same for boys and girls. More recently, dating has been investigated in the high schools of three cities of approximately one hundred thousand population, located in distinctive sections of the country: Ohio, Texas, and California.

Falling in Love...

Poets, philosophers, and scientists have all failed to develop a theory of love which explains adequately this infinitely varied and complex emotional experience. Nevertheless, love is too important to escape continued probing of the scientific method.


More often than not today there are variations on this theme of love and marriage. The romantic part of the scenario hasn't changed. Boy and girl still meet, date, and fall in love. But young people have options today that their parents generally did not have. For one thing, when the time comes, they can move into an apartment with a mate without getting married. While many parents still disapprove of such behavior, there are others who hardly take notice of the unmarried couple who live in what used to be called sin.

Another option is that the husband may stay home and do the chores while the wife works fun time, not merely part time in a department store to make a few extra dollars for Christmas or to help the budget, but in a career that is every bit as much her right to pursue as it is her husband's. There may not even be any children, ever, in the picture anymore. More and more couples are postponing having a family until they feel the time is right. Some have made up their minds that children won't fit into their plans at all. Finally, for those who cannot live happily ever after, there's divorce, with or without remarriage. Divorce has long been an option, of course, but it is more frequent and acceptable nowadays. More than one-half of all teenage marriages have, in fact, ended in divorce.

Even if relatively few of you are planning to get married immediately, you have probably discussed the possibility -even if you've vowed that you will never do such a thing. Most teenagers will marry one day, however, and most will have what is known as a traditional wedding -- complete with minister or rabbi or priest, best man and maid of honor, wedding cake and veil and wine and reception and honeymoon. It's important to take a closer look at this serious relationship that is the cornerstone of the family, this social institution that unites one man and one woman to the exclusion of others, and at some of today's marriage options.

Marriages aren't always the natural result of falling in love. People marry for other reasons, even in the United States, where romance generally precedes a wedding. A family might arrange a marriage for business or financial reasons, a king might marry a queen from another country to form a political unit and to solidify power, a young woman from a foreign country might take an American husband to avoid deportation.

An old Czech expression leaves little doubt about the weak role Cupid sometimes plays: "Choose your wife not at a dance, but in a harvest field." Some people, because of their own or their culture's taboos about engaging in premarital sexual intercourse, marry so that they may be free to enjoy sex. Others who believe in "doing the right thing" marry because the young woman in the relationship has become pregnant; marriage in a case like this is a way of averting social disgrace.