Should You Marry Your First Love?

You know the scenario: The star quarterback of the football team drops back to pass the winning touchdown in the big game and, out of the corner of his eye, spots the cute cheerleader jumping up and down with pompoms lifted to the sky. Love at first sight?

After the prom and a college courtship, the quarterback proposes and of course, the cheerleader accepts. Sure, it reads like a fantasy. In essence, that is what it is -- an idealized depiction of marriage to your first love.

But guess what? It may be possible to have it all with the first person you fall for. You may not buy the dog and cat, live in the suburbs or spawn a large brood, but maybe you can make it work with the right person.

Is the grass greener?

Let me school anyone who is pondering marriage with your first sweetheart while obsessing about what else is out there. Nothing much, I regret to inform you. Look, you may meet many wonderful people who stimulate you, but is it worth dumping the love you have now?

Think about it: unless you are in an abusive or dysfunctional relationship with no room for personal growth, it is not a good proposition. Forget about your concerns of monogamy. If the sex is good now (or the foreplay if abstinent) and you both are open, willing to experiment and please each other, sex with anyone else will leave you empty.

What if you, well, regret it?

I know, I know; the curiosity is killing you. Just stop and think a minute -- with your brain. The best sex is with someone with whom you share a deep bond, where the comfort level is high and the rapport is honest. I assume you have all that with the love of your life.
So why consider shelving the marriage plans or long-term commitment because you want to be with more than one woman before you die? The bottom line is that real love is priceless. Don't let it slip away.

What you'd be missing

A final note for the Doubting Thomas in you. Think about a future with your current sweetheart and first love. Marriage, family, a home -- the whole nine yards -- or whatever it is you aspire to as a couple.
Now imagine that you cave into your desire to experience more and leave your first love. What would life be like then? Yes, after braving the difficult transition period of being alone, you may find comfort in the arms of another person.

You may have more lovers than a movie star. Fine. What then? It takes a strong person to stick with one love for an entire lifetime. If that first love is the real deal, do not succumb to the temptation of the more-is-more value system. This could be the truest love you'll ever find.

Love and Personality

In the ancient times of incomplete personalities, monogamy was impossible; but since the coming of Christ completed personality has been presented to our view and we have become incapable of bigamous love. Yet, naturally, as I have just stated, the principle of monogamy breaks down if there is more or less of abnormality in the character.


Quite recently, in many parts of Japan, lovers, finding this whole-souled love unattainable, have sacrificed themselves; and there are certain thinkers who dispute the eternal validity of the principle of monogamy, regarding these cases as disproof of it.

However, I think quite otherwise, for in situations where lovers attain control over their environment, mastery of their passions, and consciousness of true human nature, their character union will, in any period whatever, be recognized necessarily as valid, and therein a perfect monogamy is realized. I therefore do not say, add one and one, and arrive at unity, but rather, that that which is essentially one cannot be divided into two. The two souls aflame will be perennially ardent. This is what I term monogamy.

Man's Degeneracy

When desire is separated from love and from marriage, it becomes that divisive love which is real lust, that which draws men's lives down to the horrible bottom of hell. For example, a man who upon marrying makes lust his sole aim, no matter who his mate may be, descends along the way of least resistance, so long as he can satisfy his own lust. He cares not a whit what the character of his mate may be or how society regards his conduct. He lives solely to indulge his own selfish desire, and is a mere slave to mean, mechanical instincts. Marriage to such a man is a sort of private prostitution: when he tires of his wife or the prostitute with whom he is familiar, his lust demands new means of satisfaction. He is reduced to seeking for more stimulating, defiling practices.